i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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