I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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