this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
