he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
