i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
