i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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