good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
