You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you made out with another girl for some wings
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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