party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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