My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
