it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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