We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize