Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im holly from the hills drunk
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
