Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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