I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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