Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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