my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
