Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
