so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
