he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
