omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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