yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
