she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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