dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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