Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
