your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
