Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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