It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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