Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
