Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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