just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
