everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
