do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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