i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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