Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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