Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
