I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
