The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
