I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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