Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
