The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
