I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
