She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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