Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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