yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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