So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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