whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
