We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
