My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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