he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
