Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
