I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
