Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
