I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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