Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
