Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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