before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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