I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
