Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
