My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
