I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We need to get me chipped asap
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
