Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
