sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
