I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?