I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
