I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.