Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads