Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.