So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."