have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?