Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
