why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
