She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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