how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
