He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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