I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
