I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
