so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
