wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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