is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
